


Porridge

by Marcus_S



Series: Arya Stark's Multiverse [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Porridge (TV)
Genre: Breast development, Breasts, Gender Confusion, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Masturbation, Menstruation, Mild Smut, Sex Education, Showers, Tampons, Urination, firm and pliant breasts, plot without porn, threat of sexual assault, under age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25123825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marcus_S/pseuds/Marcus_S
Summary: When you're inside doing time, you lose track of what's going on in the world outside. In this case the changes were a bit bigger than Fletch and Lennie realised.
Series: Arya Stark's Multiverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779334





	1. The New Boy

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit there's precious little plot in this and if you aren't British and of a certain age it will all be incomprehensible, but I think Arya and Fletch would have got on.
> 
> This work should be regarded as a stand alone, in particular with reference to 'The five people who could have told Arya the facts of life'. It is Part 1 of the series based on being around the time Arya was in Herrenhal. 
> 
> The characters belong to the BBC or GRR Martin otherwise this work is © Marcus Stanson 2020

Lennie had just gone down the corridor to ‘slop out’ when Mr MacKay and Mr Barrowclough appeared at he and Fletcher’s cell door.

“Now on its end Mr Barrowclough, no stand it up, there isn’t the room to swing it unless it’s upright”. Mr Barrowclough was struggling to get the iron bed frame on its end while Mr Mackay stood and supervised.

“ ‘Ere, ‘ere, what’s this then, two to a cell that’s prison regulations. Mr Mackay, you can’t go just shovin’ a third person in ‘ere”.

“Take it up with the Governor Fletcher; you know the rules ‘All complaints must be made in person to the Governor, Lord Lannister”.

“Like that will get me anywhere”.

“Oh it might and it might solve the overcrowding problem at the same time” MacKay was positively beaming in Fletcher’s face as he said it.

“Mr Mackay is right Fletcher, I’d advise extreme caution with the Governor, he does not seem to believe in rehabilitation of offenders and favours extreme measures of discipline”.

“Well I suppose that’s what you get when no one’s sure who runs the country, little tyrants get free reign to do as they please”. MacKay eyeballed Fletcher, who gave him an ‘innocent’ smile “Present company excepted of course”. MacKay didn’t look mollified but had to step quickly out of the way as Mr Barrowclough in an attempt to get the bed in the cell narrowly missed his head with the swinging top. The bed crashed to the ground, fortunately the right way up. While Mr Barrowclough pushed it up against the cell wall on the opposite side to Fletch and Lennie’s bunk Mr Mackay was back out of the cell issuing orders.

“Right young Stark in here with that mattress”. The end of the mattress appeared in the doorway but seemed to jam half way in. Lennie’s voice came from the corridor “Grab this and climb in, then pull from the front and I’ll lift the back round”. A tiny scruffy looking figure appeared in the cell climbing over the top of the mattress; it had the cell’s chamber pot in one hand, which it promptly gave to Fletch as if they’d known each other for the last five years, before turning to grab the end of the mattress and started to pull to no apparent effect. Fletcher put the Poe down on the floor and stepped forward, “Mind out lad”, he took hold of the mattress and lifted “Give it a shove Lennie”. The mattress entered the cell followed by Lennie Godbar. The two men flipped it onto the bed base, while the new inmate sneaked out under them and then came back in with a pile of bedding. Mr Barrowclough trying to exit the cell nearly tripped over the incoming prisoner but disappeared into the corridor without any crashing sounds, so must have successfully avoided falling.

“Right, I’ll leave you three to get acquainted. Fletcher I am relying on you to show the new boy the ropes, like you did with Godbar. If you’re successful it will be considered on your parole report”.

“Yes Mr Mackay, or course Mr Mackay, anything you say Mr MacKay”. Seemingly oblivious to the sarcasm Officer MacKay left the cell, “Humourless nerk”.

The two men turned to look at their new cellmate. “Bloody ‘ell it’s a midget”.

“You’re not supposed to say ‘midget’ Fletch, that’s offensive, they’re vertically challenged people”.

“Yer right, learn that on your sociology course did you”.

Lennie decided not to prolong the argument, he knew he wasn’t going to win so what was the point, Fletcher existed in a world frozen in time thirty years previously when he’d been a teenager and he was unlikely to sudden change at Lennie’s prompting. He turned to the new prisoner “My names Lennie, Lennie Godbar”.

“Mum name you twice did she”.

“Oh we’ve got a comedian Lennie this will be fun”.

Lennie carried on regardless “And this is Norman Fletcher known to everyone as ‘Fletch’”, he paused to let the newbie tell them his name and got a sullen stare for his pains.

“It is customary at this point” Fletch sounded almost formal “for the new arrival to reveal his name and the offences for which he has been incarcerated so that his cellmates may know how to address him and what risks he might represent to his newfound cellmates. Life in here runs on unwritten rules that make co-existence tolerable. You can learn them the easy way by listening to us, or the hard way by getting it all wrong and paying the price”.

“He’s right you know, if I hadn’t listened to Fletch when I first arrived life would have been a lot harder for me”.

The eyes under the rather scruffy fringe said they weren’t convinced but the mouth offered a more conciliatory tone. “My name’s Arry Stark I was arrested by some Gold Cloaks when they came with a warrant for someone I was travelling with. Apparently travelling with a criminal is now an offence”.

“Gold Cloaks, never heard of ‘em some sort of Northern SPG I suppose. Always be careful around ‘elite’ coppers ‘Arry, they have a nasty tendency to think they can write their own rules”.

“So in effect you’re on remand until they decide to charge you then. You’ll probably only be with us for a few days, we don’t normally get remand prisoners”.

“Yeh, and sorry about the size comment. ‘Ow old are yer anyway, should you be in ‘ere with us”.

“I’m thirteen”.

“Thirteen, what are they playin’ at, you should be in a young offenders unit, not in with us. There are nasty men in ‘ere, this ain’t no place fit for a child”.

“I’m not a child”.

“You are in my eye’s I’ve got kids older than you. I’m going to find MacKay, this ain’t right” and Fletcher stormed out of the cell.


	2. Poison comes in small containers

After Mr MacKay had sent Fletcher packing with the news that the new governor had his own rules about who he incarcerated Fletcher had got thorough the morning with Arry by taking him with him to the library, but now they were in the line for lunch, which inevitably meant Arry was going to be seen by the rest of the convicts.

“You just stick next to me ‘Arry and keep your eyes to yourself. There are people round here who have funny ideas about other people looking at them. At that point a hand landed on Fletch’s shoulder

“You talkin’ about me Fletch”.

“No McLaren, I was thinking of nasty people, while we all know you are a genial soul who wouldn’t hurt a flea and is always kind to his mother”.

“Good I’m glad about that or I’d have had to prove how genial I was by givin’ you a good batterin’ and we’re not talkin’ about the sort that today’s cod fillet is comin’ in either”.

Lennie, stood behind the serving point tried to defuse the situation, “So do you want the cod then Jock”.

“No I want to batter your mate Fletch ‘ere for bein’ lippy”.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you”.

“Bleedin’ ‘Ell, who are you ‘idin’ under the table”.

“My name's Arry Stark”.

“Well ‘Arry, here’s a bit of advice from one lag to another. Stay out of other people’s fights, or yer’ll get ‘urt”.

“But it was me that Fletch was advising so you’re threatening him because he was speaking to me, for my good, so that makes it my fight too”.

“Does it now ‘Arry, well my advice stands; stay out of it”.

“’E’s right ‘Arry”, Fletch tried to step between them, he didn’t want to but even he had some standards and batterin’ four foot six kids was something he wasn’t standing for, even if very shortly he expected to be laying down and groaning for it instead. With luck MacKay would get over before MaLaren could start on the kid or do him too much damage.

Suddenly McLaren fell over landing on an inconveniently placed upturned chair leg. He screamed and clutched his crotch, his eyes bulged.

“Oops, careful McLaren you might hurt yourself”. Arry was stood in front of McLaren looking very concerned. The noise brought MacKay over at speed. “What’s going on here, McLaren what are you doing on the floor”.

“He slipped” Lennie and Arry and Fletch said in unison. McLaren wasn’t saying anything as he was still trying to breath in.

“Well then it’s nothing to do with you, get your battered cod and find a table”. Lennie promptly dispensed two servings and the pair got to a table and sat opposite Warren and Heslop.

“I don’t know what you did ‘Arry but you shouldn’t ‘ave. McLaren’s in 'ere for violence and he’s far too inclined to keep administerin’ it while e’s inside”.

“I didn’t do anything, he fell over and the chair leg hit him in the goolies. I was in his sight all the time”.

Warren piped up “The lad’s right Fletch, I’m not sure why McLaren fell over but 'e was lookin’ at ‘er when 'e did, so I don’t see how he caused it”.

“McLaren doesn’t need to ‘ave a reason, 'e just needs to decide to do somethin’ and 'e will. Seriously ‘Arry stay away from 'im”.

They are the rest of lunch in a strained silence, broken only by Heslop bursting out laughing about five minutes after Mclaren had been helped off the floor.


	3. It's all about drainpipes

The afternoon work detail wasn’t quite as relaxing as the morning in the library. Mr Barrowclough and Mr MacKay loaded a dozen of them into the back of a minibus and took them out onto the moors to dig drainage ditches. The weather was cold and there was drizzle in the air. McLaren leaned forward to mutter in Fletcher’s ear on the way out of the gate. “I’ll forget lunchtime if you can come up a with a smart idea to get us in the dry”.

“I don’t need any motivation Jock, I’m no lover of cold wet moorland in March”.

“Ay but I’m talkin’ about a scheme that gets us all, say, locked into the church for a few hours together, not one where you swan off to the village pub for a swift couple of pints”.

“If you recollect Jock, the two incidents occurred on the same day, and I did bring you each a packet of crisps back”.

“You had two points o’ bitter, I got a packet of salt ‘n vinegar crisps. I don’t even like salt ‘n vinegar”.

Heslop leaned forward to join the conversation “You should ‘ave said Jock, I like salt’ n vinegar and I ‘ad beef and you like beef don’t you”.

“Ay beef’s ma favourite, we mucked that up didn’t we. So listen up Fletch next time you get crisps remember it’s beef for me and salt’ vinegar for Heslop not the other way round”.

Arry watched the conversation with a look of disbelieving fascination on her face, then whispered in Fletcher’s ear “Is it always like this”.

He rolled his eyes at him “Oh no, sometimes we can discuss Sophoclean philosophy”.

“Really”

“No”

Lennie joined the conversation “Now Fletch, when Judge Rawley was with us we had some very interesting conversations”.

“Judge Rawley”.

“The bloke who put me away turned up inside. He’d been done for corruption. Wish I’d known I’d have bribed ‘im to let me off”.

“Seriously”

“Nah ‘e’d have wanted more than I could ‘ave afforded, judges don’t come cheap”.

In the end the afternoon passed off without incident or too much disgruntlement as the sun came out briefly, but for long enough to cheer everyone up. Fletcher couldn’t help noticing that Arry kept looking around the moors. As they both bent down to lift a piece of drainpipe he took the opportunity to pass comment “Don’t you be thinkin’ of runnin’ off up ‘ere lad, I did once, long story short, I went round in a bloody circle and ended up back where I’d started from and there are bits of the moors that are boggy, you get in them and you don’t come back”.

Arry had learned that it was best not to disagree with Fletcher. Despite the fact that his criminal career seemed to have been brief periods of crime interspersed with long period of prison, he seemed to believe he was an expert in all fields of life.

So they all lined up to get back on the bus and Mr Barrowclough took roll call. Everything was going fine even Heslop managed to answer up in less than five minutes until the last name, “Stark”. There was no answer.

Fletcher looked downwards, he’d got so used to him being next to him but out of sight that he’d just assumed he was there. Bloody hell had 'e scarpered.

“Stark” MacKay’s voice was not the sort you said you couldn’t hear, even from half a mile away; Mr Barrowclough even winced standing next to him. “Stark get yourself back here this instant”. 

A small face popped over the side of the trench and then Arry started to climb out, “Sorry Mr MacKay just stopped for a leak”.

“Well next time stand up where we can see you”

“I was standing up sir, just shows how deep the ditch is”, that got a laugh from most of them and Arry was back in the line and climbing into the van. Fletcher however had a worried look on his face. “What’s up Fletch, I did hear you I’m not going over the moors”.

“It’s not that, you got something I ought to know ‘Arry”.

“No Fletch”.

Fletcher looked at him, his face was open and devoid of any signs of emotion, but he wasn’t convinced. He’d spent a lot of time with people who lied for a living, con men, barristers and for some reason his gut said ‘he’s hiding something' and he had a horrible suspicion he knew what.


	4. It's all a tissue of lies

Supper and passed off without any more incident but just before they were going downstairs for evening association hour MacKay stormed into their cell for a snap inspection. As he pulled their bedding apart Fletcher tried to determine the reason for the visit.

“Excuse me Mr MacKay but while you’re ruining the hospital corners I’ve just spent 20 minutes teaching young ‘Arry to make may I enquire as to the article you are searching for”.

“Toilet roll Fletcher, soft, multi ply, spring fresh scented toilet roll from the governor’s personal store. This morning the governor had a complete spare roll and now he is down to two squares and the spare roll has vanished”.

“Oh deary me. I presume this means he will have to make do with prison issue like the rest of us”.

“Indeed and he is sorely vexed about the loss”.

“If he has to use the prison issue it won’t just be his vex that’s sore will it. Last week when they ran out of sandpaper in the woodwork shop, Warren used half a roll to complete the foot stool he was making. He said it works perfectly well as number three grit, whatever that is”.

MacKay stuck his face two inches from Fletcher’s “Very funny. Well if I find who stole it they will be in solitary”.

“Shame I don’t know where it is or I’d own up and get out of this overcrowded cell”. Fletcher couldn’t help but notice Arry’s face twitch at that remark.

“Very funny Fletcher”, nevertheless this was MacKay’s parting comment and he stormed out.

“Stealing toilet role, whatever next”.

“Well we are in a prison Fletch, more than half the inmates are in for theft of some kind”. Lennie grinned at Fletch and removed his chef’s hat. Underneath was a complete roll of soft toilet roll.

“How did you get that, you ‘aven’t been anywhere near the governor’s….” his voice tailed off as he realised there was a matching grin on Arry’s face. “You cheeky little pup”.

“He needs to get better at hiding things though, at the bottom of your bed’s no good Arry they always strip the beds”.

A large figure filled the doorway, “Evening Fletch”.

Fletcher looked at the sky as if to say ‘what next’, “Evening Mr Grout. ‘Arry may I introduce ‘Genial Harry Grout’ the man who actually runs the prison. “Grouty this is ‘Arry Stark”

“I know”. The tone in Grout’s voice shut Fletcher up. “I know Mi, Master Stark’s father. I don’t know what young Arry is doing here and I’m not sure I want to”, this last was clearly addressed at Arry himself “But I do know that nothing untoward is going to happen to him while he is, however briefly, stopping with us. I have spoken to McLaren who agrees he has absolutely no memory of having a knee kicked from under him so he would fall on a carefully placed chair leg, thus ruining his chances of connubial pleasure for several days; firstly because he isn’t getting out for another ten years and secondly because I told him what would happen to him if Ned Stark or one of his boys found him on the outside”. He turned to Arry again “The one man I can’t in this case protect you from young Arry is the governor; if he realises who you are you’re on your own”.

“About the new governor Mr Grout”

“Out of your league Fletch. The less you know the better, just don’t cross him; on which subject give me the toilet roll”.

Reluctantly Lennie handed over the toilet roll. Magnanimously Harry removed nine squares “Three each, can’t do fairer than that I’m afraid”.

“Three”.

“One up, one down and a polisher, come on Lennie keep up”. 

Harry Grout left; Fletcher followed him out and looked up and down the corridor then came back in. “One more, I swear, one more person comes through that door before lock up and I’ll not be responsible for my actions”.

“Careful Fletch last time you said that it was the padre and you threw him over the rail”.

Arry’s eyes widened, “Seriously Fletch you threw a man of the cloth off the third floor”.

“It’s all netted ‘e only fell two feet, got me three days in solitary as well, which just now would be the ideal option, you two back ‘ere and me in the cooler. Except I suspect if Grouty know your folks I’m expected to stay around and look after you, bleedin’ nursemaid I am. I’ve just got Godbar potty trained and they land me with you”.

“That’s a bit unfair Fletch I admit I was green when I first arrived but that’s nearly four years ago”.

“Yes, I know and you bein’ in the kitchens has had its occasional perk”.

“Just as long as no one mentions Pineapple Chunks”.

“Don’t, that still rankles” he turned to Arry “We get hold of a tin of pineapple chunks and it ends up getting eaten by Officer Barrowclough as Gammon Steak Hawaii”.

“It sound like you actually have a bit of fun in here then”.

“We’ve had our moments young ‘Arry, but moments in four years, there’s a lot of nights when they’ve locked up and the light go out when we’d both rather be back home, which is why we’re agreed we’re both going straight when we get out of here. Crime, ‘Arry, doesn’t pay except for the privileged few who can afford to bung the police to look the other way or like Judge Rawley you’re part of the system”.

“Beside’s we both promised your Ingrid, didn’t we”. Lennie tuned to face Arry, “I’m goin' out with Fletch’s daughter you see and she’s threatened to leave either of us if we don’t stay on the straight and narrow”.

“I think going out is stretchin’ things Lennie, you exchange letters and she makes eyes at you across the room at visitin’ time”.

“Ah but when the lights go out Fletch and you’re thinking of beautiful Babbs I’m escorting Ingrid somewhere discreet so we can…”.

“Thank you Lennie, I’m sure young ‘Arry really doesn’t want to hear you night time fantasies”

“Oh I’m not sure Fletch, he’s only little but ‘e’s growing, he’ll need some ideas to keep him occupied at night”. Lennie had his back to Fletcher and he indicated Ingrid’s bodily shape then mouthed “and, in ‘er very own words, ‘firm and pliant’ breasts” to him.

The landing started to ring with the steady tread of feet, “Lock up then lads”, Fletcher started to close the door

“This early, I thought we’d got longer, I need a pee”.

“Too late son, in the Edgar Alan”, he indicated the chamber pot under Godbar’s bed.

“I’m not sure I can”.

Lennie tried to be helpful “We won’t stand and watch Arry, ‘ere you go” and passed him the pot before pointedly turning round so he was facing the wall. “Come on Fletch the little lad’s a bit shy”.

“I think it’s a bit more than that isn’t it ‘Arry. I ‘ad my suspicions this afternoon and then Grouty seemed to have a bit of a stutter when he referred to you. I think you have a little something to tell us”.

Arry glared at Fletcher “All right, I’m a girl, happy now I’ve admitted it”.

“Not really”, Fletcher turned his back on her “because having a girl, and a young girl at that, in a male prison is going to provide us with a lot of complications. Getting you through the showers for example; I mean if we’re lucky you’ve not got enough of a bust for anyone to notice but the absence of other things is going to be impossible to cover up”.

There was a silence broken only by the sound of Arry filling the Poe. “There done, you can turn round”.

Lennie’s face was a picture of disbelief “Wha, how, why, you’re a girl”

“Yes Lennie, I can show you if you don’t believe me, I’m afraid they’re not as firm and pliant as Ingrid’s, more like barely developed pimples”.

“You will do nothin’ of the sort ’Arry”, Fletcher’s face had gone puce “and I’ve told you before about describing my daughter in that way Lennie, don’t push your luck”.

“Sorry Fletch but you know Ingrid isn’t a shy girl and they were her own words”.

“I don’t know what the world is comin’ to I really don’t. Once upon a time you knew what was what, now anythin’ goes”.

Lenny sat on his bunk and looked over at Arry, “I don’t get why you’re doing this; like Fletch said it’s not exactly a safe option being a girl in here”.

“It’s safer than them working out who I am. If the governor works it out I’m literally dead meat. I know granny talks about ‘a fate worse than death’, but I’d swap that for actually being dead any day”.

“So what ‘ave you done”

“Nothing, it’s who I am that matters”.

“Oh I see”

“No you don’t really and it’s best, like Mr Grout said, that you don’t Lennie. Just carry on like I wasn’t here and keep your nose clean; that’s the expression isn’t it Fletch”.

“It is ‘Arry you’re a fast learner”

“And when you get out don’t let Ingrid down, either of you. Family matters, that’s what will keep me going in here”. The lights went out. “Night Lad’s”

“Night ‘Arry”.

Breakfast was over and since no one had challenged him, Fletcher took Arry into the library with him again. Barely however, had they arrived into the room when Mr Mackay came in “Stark, with me to the Governor’s office”.

Fletcher’s face fell, “What for Mr MacKay, ‘Arry’s done nuffin’ wrong, no call for him to see the governor. If he wants ‘is books changin’ I can do that”.

“Quiet Fletcher, the governor has a new role for young Master Stark”, he stressed the word ‘Master’ particularly. “The governor requires a particularly trustworthy prisoner to carry out domestic work in his accommodation and young Stark will be doing it, which will keep him out of the company of the unsavoury elements for most of the day. He will report to the governor’s office immediately cells are unlocked in the morning and will be returned to your delicate care immediately before ‘lock up’ at night. The governor feels he can trust the two of you to ensure he gets an uninterrupted night’s sleep”.

“There you go Fletch, only here one day and I’ve got the cushiest number going”.

Fletcher’s face said he wasn’t convinced, but there was nothing he could do about it.


	5. Time to say goodbye

And so time passed by, never as quickly as those wishing to leave would want it to, but nevertheless it did and little Arry started to grow into slightly taller and not so slender Arry and Fletch and Lennie started to worry a bit more about how long they could keep the secret hidden. Arry seemed by comparison seemed unconcerned.

“Relax lads, I spend most of the day by myself, Lannister’s never there. Then I get walked in and out by a screw, normally Barrowclough, who wouldn’t notice I was female if I was 6 month’s pregnant, he is your classic example of a man who sees what his mind feels comfortable seeing. And as for you two, well I don’t want to demean your masculinity but I feel like you’re my dad and big brother and since our name isn’t Lannister that’s not a problem for any of us”.

“Did you read that book I got out of the library”.

“Yes very informative, not sure why the prison library has a copy of the The Ladybird Book ‘Your body’ for ten to twelve year olds”.

“You’d be surprised how ignorant the likes of Heslop and Warren are ‘Arry”.

“Well they won’t be much less ignorant reading the book. It’s one of those that uses polite middle class language for everything, but yes I figured out the bit you wanted me to and it’s not a problem. There’s a ladies toilet in the visitor’s wing I can get to quite easily; so as long as you two stay cool if I have to change a tampon in here one night I’ll be fine”.

The looks on Fletcher and Godbar’s faces said they’d be far from ‘cool’ but they said nothing; sometimes Arry’s complete self-confidence was scary, or as Fletch once put it “God ‘elp the first young lad who tries to slide his hand in her knickers, she’ll either twists his balls off or plaster ‘im onto the floor and screw his brains out”.

Then one evening Arry returned with a completely new escort, a strange looking man with a foreign accent. Despite the fact that he was the senior warden on the wing Mr MacKay seemed to be treating him with respect.

“’oo’s ‘e then”

“New screw name of H’ghar”.

“Some sort of Easterner then”.

“Yes”.

“I don’t like it, you know where you are with yer British screw, even when they’re Scots, but yer foreigner, they ’ave different ideas about the rules, particularly the unwritten rules”.

“So just like our not so ‘New Governor’, who hasn’t turned out be as bad as we thought he might be”.

“Actually he may be the solution to our problem”.

“What problem”.

“The fact that all parole and release appears to have been cancelled and prisoners ‘on remand’ are not going to court, i.e. it’s more like Stalag Luft XIII than HMP Harrenhal and we don’t even know who’s fighting the war we need to finish to get out”.

“I’ve told you before young ‘Arry, no one is doin’ a runner over the moors”.

“I was thinking more about walking out the gate, getting into the prison minibus and driving out of here, but I can’t do it on my own”.

“Because you ain’t been taught to drive”.

“Because my feet won’t reach the pedals”.

“Ah”.

“Precisely. Now from what I gather from things I get to see in the governor’s office, things are getting a bit chaotic outside. It’s why we don’t get to watch the news anymore in the evening, it sounds like law and order is pretty well done with”.

“Is it the bloody miners on strike again. That Scargill thinks he runs the fuckin’ country, little tin Hitler”.

“No it’s the nationalists and others like them. The Scots independence movement started it with their ‘Freedom beyond the Wall’ campaign, but then they got going in Yorkshire “The North is different” etc. It’s such a mess there’s rumours the Queen is thinking of taking personal charge of the South. The last time this sort of shit storm blew up it was the Wars of the Rose and they lasted 30 years”.

“Christ I’d be older than Blanco”.

“Exactly, so I think it’s time we departed for pastures new and I think I have a way of getting H’ghar to help us”.

“Just be bloody careful ‘Arry”

“I will be Fletch, just you two be ready, if H’ghar turns up and says ‘Come with me’ don’t ask questions just move yourselves”.

Barely a week later Officer H’ghar turned up on the landing barely ten minutes before lock-up but without Arry. “Mr MacKay, Governor’s special orders, Fletcher and Godbar to his office immediately”.

“I thought the governor had gone to some conference up North”.

“Just got back, found young Stark’s been ‘unwell’ half the day, all over the place, so since these two are his cellmates they get to clean it up, while Stark goes into the infirmary”.

Fletcher’s eyebrows hit his hairline, but Lennie cottoned on a bit quicker. “Come on Fletch, we can’t leave the little lad in the lurch, ‘e can’t have made that much mess, there isn’t enough of ‘im”.

“Well get a move on then, we need them back PDQ”.

“Governor says they go to the hospital to keep Stark company when they’re finished. That way you don’t have to open the wing up out of hours”.

“All very irregular, we’re required to minimise the number of prisoners in the hospital wing at all times”.

“Governors specific orders Mr MacKay, do you want me to tell him you disagree”.

“Ah no, if that’s what the governor wants that’s what he gets”.

“I thought you’d see it that way. Right you two let’s go”.

And go they did, down to the governors accommodation, where they found Arry in possession of their civilian clothing and possessions all neatly bagged up from the day they’d arrived. Five minutes to change, walk out to the dark blue prison minibus, everyone on board and with H’ghar driving they were thirty miles down the road within an hour. Stopping in an empty lay-by on the A1, H’ghar changed the number plates and Arry got out.

“Right lad’s you’re all off South, I’m over the road and hitching North, back home. Now remember, you’re going straight, stick to that because if this North/South thing goes the North’s way your next time in front of a judge might have you looking at one of my family and there’ll be no special pleading from me for you; and Lennie the first time with Ingrid, go and break its neck immediately before hand or the poor girl will be swimming for her life” and with that she sprinted over the road between a pair of artic’s and was lost from sight.

“Bloody cheeky young pup”.

“Yes, but we’re going to miss her Fletch”.

“That we are. A little tip Lennie I’d keep shtum about her to Ingrid if I were you, I’m not sure she’d understand”.

“Maybe best we forget Arry ever existed”.

“I think you’re right”.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment or it feels like I'm doing a monologue in an empty theatre.


End file.
